Shame: The Silent Killer

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Shame – The Silent Killer

“Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion,
and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance.
And so you will inherit a double portion in your land,
and everlasting joy will be yours.”
— Isaiah 61:7

Reflection

Shame doesn’t always announce itself loudly.
Sometimes, it creeps in quietly —
hiding in the shadows of your story,
tucking itself away in the memories you’ve long tried to forget.

For me, it came rushing back on a random evening.
My husband was watching a CSI episode, and I happened to wake up as the story unfolded.
The plot involved a man in a position of authority… someone who offered help… but instead assaulted.

And suddenly, the show on screen became a mirror to a memory I had buried for decades.
Over 40 years earlier — I was a little girl in the fourth grade.
Hurting. Confused. Afraid.

My parents had divorced.
I had been assaulted by neighbors.
And my mother, desperate to help, sent me to a therapist.
Someone who was supposed to care. Supposed to help.
But he didn’t.

That man — that “authority figure” — violated me.

And like so many children in the 70s, I was taught the unspoken rule:
Shut up. Sit down. Move on.

So I did.

I carried that pain in silence for over four decades.

The Impact of Shame

Trauma is loud when it happens.
But shame is quiet — and deadly.

It doesn’t just haunt your past.
It rewrites your present.

Every time I encountered authority, fear would shrink me.
I would get small, as invisible as possible, because invisibility felt safer than vulnerability.
I became a master of self-protection:
Reading people. Pleasing people. Making them laugh.
Whatever it took to stay safe.

On the outside, I earned the label “bold.”
But on the inside, I was anything but.

I didn’t want to be seen.
I wanted to be protected.
Loved. Nurtured. Held. Healed.

So I locked the little girl inside of me in a cage —
Not out of hate, but out of protection.
And I controlled every piece of my world out of fear.

Fear that was justified.
But fear that was never meant to lead me.

That fear and shame followed me into adulthood…
Into marriage…
Into parenting…
Into everything.

And yet…

God never left.

He stayed.
Patient. Gentle.
Leading me to healing, one painful memory at a time.

Even now, I’m still walking that road.
It’s not easy.
But it’s mine.
And I no longer walk it alone.

The Turning Point

Healing began when I finally started speaking the truth.
Not just to others, but to myself — and to God.

I was a child.
I didn’t choose it.
I didn’t cause it.
And I couldn’t stop it.

But I can choose healing now.
I can choose to open the cage.
To welcome that little girl out of hiding.
To stop living in shame’s shadow — and step into God’s light.

What About You?

You may not share my story exactly,
but if you’ve lived with silent shame, I see you.

You are not what happened to you.
You are not the mask you’ve worn.
And you are not the labels others put on you.

You are loved.
You are seen.
And you are invited to heal.

You can walk this road — and you don’t have to do it alone.

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Prayer

Father,
You see every moment of my past — even the ones I tried to forget.
You see the shame I’ve carried like a second skin.
The way I’ve protected myself. The ways I’ve performed to survive.
But I don’t want to just survive anymore — I want to be free.
I invite You into every locked place, every memory, every scar.
Heal the parts of me I’ve hidden.
Set the little child inside me free.
I forgive the ones who hurt me,
and I forgive myself for staying silent for so long.
Cover me in Your love.
Cover me in Your truth.
And lead me into wholeness.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.

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Faith in Action

If shame still whispers, speak this truth:

“I am not invisible. I am not what happened to me.
I am who God says I am —
healed, loved, and free.”

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